Just for an instant...

Hello all!

A little update for you, when we last left off I had a beautiful blastocyst transferred and we were amidst the dreaded two week wait to see if it implanted and if I was pregnant or not.

I started out this wait suuuuper cocky. A blast, of COURSE this is it, we have never had one this advanced! I was so cocky I tested at 2dp5dt (2 days past 5 day transfer) in other words, I should seek some sort of psychiatric help...lol. Clearly, it was negative, that poor little nugget didnt even have a chance to check out its surroundings yet! So I tested again at 6dp5dt (6 days past 5 day transfer, also could be called 11 days past ovulation) 2 perfect lines showed up. POSITIVE!! One more faint than the other, as it was so early. Two days later, I took a digital test "Pregnant" showed up on the screen! What a beautiful word! Our family would be growing! A sibling for Colin!

The next day (tuesday) I started bleeding, Thursday was my blood test, still more bleeding, I knew it wasn't good, deep down I hoped it wasn't so. My Beta (blood test) came back at 52, I was pregnant, but juuuuust barely (50 is considered positive). Repeat beta in 2 days - beta 2 came back at 62. The numbers were growing, but not doubling as they should be every 48 hours. People told me "stranger things have happened" I read story after story on "Dr. Google" about low betas. I tried to have hope. But really I was pissed. I knew it was over, why couldn't my body even miscarry correctly?! Two days later beta 3 came back at 6.5. At least I had an answer, I had officially miscarried, or had a "chemical pregnancy". You would think this would be the end to the maddness, nope, my numbers need to be >1 so beta 4 happened 2 days after that it came in at 1.2. For real, so beta number FIVE will be coming. You should see my arms and hands, its not pretty.

People have asked if I'm ok, honestly, I was sad and pissed for a few days, but after having lost Josh and Zoe, this loss, though sad, was sort of put into perspective by my past. I'm just ready to keep going.

#realtalk #pityparty  I'm so friggin over this. Sorry, I will do what I need to do to have a sibling for Colin, but good gracious, can I catch a break ONE time. When we had our transfer I told Bill "this isn't going to work, it was too easy, everything went too smoothly". Man I hate it that I'm always right ;)

So what now?
On the 17th I go in to see my RE for what we in the infertility world call the WTF appointment, as in wtf went wrong and wtf are we going to do about it. This is also when I will have beta #5. We will be signing consent to have a frozen embryo transfer (FET). We have one embryo frozen waiting for us. Here is how this works (the short version) 2 weeks of suppression (so I dont ovulate), blood work and ultrasound, 3 days of progesterone (possibly intermuscular shots in my hip/bottom) then a transfer. All things considered, it's an easy cycle. However we could do all this prep work and show up for transfer and the embryo could have not survived the thaw. In which case we would have nothing to transfer and just wait to move on to another fresh cycle. We will just continue to say our prayers! For now we will call our little snowflake Olaf

 

Send some love our way, and we will continue to keep you posted <3 

.

PUPO! (Pregnant until proven otherwise)

.

We are PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise! ^^^ Hello there little baby!! Today this little friend came to stay in my uterus! Say some prayers that he/she is snuggling in tight!!

The expansion grade scale ranges from 1 (least expanded) to 6 (completely hatched).
Grade 1: the fluid-filled cavity takes up less than half the space of the embryo.
Grade 2: the fluid-filled cavity takes up more than half the space of the embryo.
Grade 3: the blastocyst cavity has expanded into the entire volume of the embryo, pressing the trophectoderm cells up tightly against the inside of the zona.
Grade 4: Expanded blastocyst, where the blastocyst has increased beyond the original volume of the embryo and caused the zona pellucida “shell” to become super thin.
Grade 5: Embryo has breached the zona and is hatching out of its shell
Grade 6: Embryo is completely hatched.
So the embryo is given a number grade (1-6), followed by a letter grade for the inner cell mass and then the trophectoderm (A,B or C).
For the inner cell mass:
A: Many cells, tightly packed
B: several cells, loosely packed
C:  very few cells
The trophectoderm grading goes like this:
A: many cells, forming a cohesive layer
B: Few cells, forming a loose layer
C: Very few large cells.
- See more at: http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2011/12/understanding-the-gardner-blastocyst-grading-scale/#sthash.xHvBQGol.dpuf

What you're seeing here is 1. the early beginnings of a baby and 2. More technically - an expanded blastocyst grade BA. Here's a little bit about that that means!

Expanded blastocyst - The fluid filled cavity volume is larger than that of the early embryo and the zona pellucida (outer shell) is thinning.

The ICM grading is as follows:
A ----- Tightly packed, many cells;
B ----- Loosely grouped, several cells;
C ----- Very few cells.

The trophectoderm (the inner shell) grading is as follows:
A ------ Many cells forming a tightly knit epithelium (layer of cells that make up the outer surface of your body);
B ------ Few cells;
C ------ Very few cells forming a loose epithelium.

So what? Welllll that means, basically, that it is in good shape, and a better quality than any of the embryos we have ever had!
We also have one to freeze for sure and maybe 3 more!! holy wow! That has never happened!! Frozen embryos means that if this doesn't take, or we want baby #3, then we don't have to do all the shots and procedures right away.

A little about the procedure - warning if you don't like mild gynecological talk don't read this, though it is a blog about making a baby after all!
I had to arrive an hour early to start drinking water and get checked in. You must have a super full bladder in order to do the procedure, it helps push your uterus down so its more accessible. (Here's the warning part) They brought me into the room to get set up, checked my arm band 2374634 times so I actually had my own embryo implanted then they get you in the stirrups. Now remember I have a TAC (transabdominal cerclage) this is tied at the top of my cervix, because of this my cervix doesn't "rise and fall" like most women. It just stays way way up high, which is fine b/c now it holds in a baby so I'll take that "pitfall".
My RE had to use like 4 different kinds speculums (this sounds like a Harry Potter word) and an extra long catheter to finally reach my cervix. OUCH! He then threaded the catheter through my cervix and into my uterus. The nurse yells "patient ready", embryologist yells "embryo ready" we see it on the screen above our heads and then she runs into the room with another catheter. The embryologist's bonnet was fabric with eggs and sperm on it, amazing. We watch the little white blip that is the embryo float into my uterus.
They took everything out and I went to lay back and settle in for my 15 minutes of laying flat when the nurse told me they don't do that anymore! My how things have changed, they also said I have no restrictions and can pick up Colin any time I want. I will have a blood test later to determine if the embryo "took" (if I am pregnant or not).
Then Bill and I went out for a nice lunch together! (Thanks Mom for watching Colin!)

At this point in the process Bill and I have decided that the blog should go dark for a while. Until we are ready to announce a pregnancy or until we begin another IVF cycle (both will take a while) Until then send some prayers our way!!

Grade 1: the fluid-filled cavity takes up less than half the space of the embryo.
Grade 2: the fluid-filled cavity takes up more than half the space of the embryo.
Grade 3: the blastocyst cavity has expanded into the entire volume of the embryo, pressing the trophectoderm cells up tightly against the inside of the zona.
Grade 4: Expanded blastocyst, where the blastocyst has increased beyond the original volume of the embryo and caused the zona pellucida “shell” to become super thin.
Grade 5: Embryo has breached the zona and is hatching out of its shell
Grade 6: Embryo is completely hatched.
So the embryo is given a number grade (1-6), followed by a letter grade for the inner cell mass and then the trophectoderm (A,B or C).
For the inner cell mass:
A: Many cells, tightly packed
B: several cells, loosely packed
C:  very few cells
The trophectoderm grading goes like this:
A: many cells, forming a cohesive layer
B: Few cells, forming a loose layer
C: Very few large cells.
- See more at: http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2011/12/understanding-the-gardner-blastocyst-grading-scale/#sthash.xHvBQGol.dpuf

Grade 4: Expanded blastocyst, where the blastocyst has increased beyond the original volume of the embryo and caused the zona pellucida “shell” to become super thin.
Grade 5: Embryo has breached the zona and is hatching out of its shell
Grade 6: Embryo is completely hatched.
So the embryo is given a number grade (1-6), followed by a letter grade for the inner cell mass and then the trophectoderm (A,B or C).
For the inner cell mass:
A: Many cells, tightly packed
B: several cells, loosely packed
C:  very few cells
The trophectoderm grading goes like this:
A: many cells, forming a cohesive layer
B: Few cells, forming a loose layer
C: Very few large cells.
- See more at: http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2011/12/understanding-the-gardner-blastocyst-grading-scale/#sthash.t16rla1O.dpuf

Grade 4: Expanded blastocyst, where the blastocyst has increased beyond the original volume of the embryo and caused the zona pellucida “shell” to become super thin.
Grade 5: Embryo has breached the zona and is hatching out of its shell
Grade 6: Embryo is completely hatched.
So the embryo is given a number grade (1-6), followed by a letter grade for the inner cell mass and then the trophectoderm (A,B or C).
For the inner cell mass:
A: Many cells, tightly packed
B: several cells, loosely packed
C:  very few cells
The trophectoderm grading goes like this:
A: many cells, forming a cohesive layer
B: Few cells, forming a loose layer
C: Very few large cells.
- See more at: http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2011/12/understanding-the-gardner-blastocyst-grading-scale/#sthash.t16rla1O.dpuf

A transfer you say?

So this cycle has been different than any of my previous cycles. On saturday morning, 3 days after my egg retrieval I got the call that they were canceling my transfer and pushing us out to a day 5!
What this means - the longer the embryos can continue growing in the lab, the better chance we have at picking the strongest one. 5 days is the max amount of "lab time".

This is what embryos look like as they grow. Colin was an 8 cell, and Josh & Zoe were 7 and 9 cells.

The embryologist called me today to tell me about my transfer for tomorrow. I asked her about how many we had and their grades. We still have 7 (SEVEN!!!) 

This is how we (we meaning I have no part in this at all...) grade embryos
So the top ABC - this tells about the symmetry of the cells
The next row says 1234, in my practice they use GFP- good fair poor. This talks about the fragmentation or space and "extra" stuff in the embryo.
And of course the higher the cell count, the better.
Got it? Easy Peasy right?? HA
Anyways, lets keep this in mind - Josh and Zoe were 7BF and 9BF, Colin was an 8BF(one of the 8BFs in this cycle didnt make it).
We currently have 2 10BGs (AHHH) and 5 8/9CFs. One of the BGs will be transferred tomorrow at 12:15!
Say a little prayer for us that transfer goes smoothly!!
Tomorrow I will show you our little "embie" and I will explain the transfer procedure. I feel I have bombarded you with enough info for one post!

Oh and because some people have been asking, we will being doing a SET (Single Embryo Transfer). The doctor is too worried for me to carry twins again (even tho the TAC can handle it) but really the end all be all is the fact that insurance will only approve the transfer of one embryo graded better than an 8bf in patients under 35. So unless I want to pay for IVF (which I don't) then one it is.

Buck buck buckkkkk

Today was egg laying day!!!
Or retrieval if you want to be all technical

We left bright an early so we could beat the traffic! When we got there they of course took my vitals. My BP was so outrageous number like 146/96 or something (needless to say I was petrified). The nurse was amazing, as they usually are, and she promised we would take our time and do the IV right.
She wrapped my arms in warm blankets and then took about 15 minutes to feel all possible places to put the IV. I appreciate her taking the time and not just jumping on what she "thought" might work. She decided to try for my hand but promised to not force the plastic cath if it wouldn't go. She got it!!! She got it on the first try and the least painful IV I have ever had!

Yes, I took a picture! Its a big deal!!! We waited a little while until the person ahead of my was out of the OR. It was finally my turn, I walked in and sat on the OR table, scooted down and they strapped my legs in the stirrups. They strapped my arms in and started to administer the meds to make me go to sleep.

I came into the recovery room with O2 still on, first time for that. Bill was there, I didnt talk to him so I didn't say silly things. First thing I did say when I finally felt more coherent : "How many did we get?"
My good nurse laughed at me and said we got (drumrollllll)

15 eggs!!! WOOOO
Tomorrow they will call and give me the "fert report" and then I will have a transfer friday, saturday, or monday (it will probably be saturday) Until then, we wait!

Thanks for all the prayers!!

Pulling the trigger

Today was another day of monitoring. So here we see my two ovaries almost touching each other (they aren't really suppose to do that in real life) and in the middle, the shadowy ball is my uterus. Fun huh? The ultrasound tech said she wasn't sure what they were going to do with me since I had a batch of follies in the 18ish mm range and then a bunch in the 15-16mm range (we need 19-22mm). I finally got the call today at 4pm, as I was beginning to freak out about being forgotten about...
Turns out they wanted me to trigger!!! WOOOOO!!! So what a trigger shot does, is it tells the body to release the eggs, basically I take HCG to make me ovulate. I HAD to take it at 8:30 on the dot, 36 hours later (wednesday 8:30am) I need to be in the OR to have my retrieval  

Here is my trigger shot!

I have to draw up 1cc of diluent and mix it with the powdered HCG with that giantass needle you see there. Then I get to unscrew said godzilla needle and put on the little subq one. Way easier! However this time the needle caps wouldn't come off and I was afraid of yanking them and stabbing my finger so I ended up bending one of the little subq needles, good thing they send 2!

So if you happen to take a moment on wednesday morning, just send a little prayer my way for an easy surgery. Also that they can get the IV set on the first shot, without blowing out multiple veins and me having a crying hysterical moment when they cant do it but keep trying. Honestly, getting an IV is the worst part of this whole entire process. Needles in my belly all day erry day is no big deal its blood work and stupid IVs that are the big problem.

Until next time!

Do you want to see my follies??

If you sang that title to the tune of "Do you want to build a snowman", then you win.

So here they are so far!





It appears that I have around 18 follies all in the 12-14mm range (goal is 19-22mm). We are trucking right along! I'm def starting to really feel the fact that my ovaries have literally 17x the amount of things in them on any normal month.

This med I am taking - Ganarelix

See that large yellow sicker on it? If you cant read it, it says "May cause headache". Yeah, as in perpetual headache that sleeping wont touch. Caffeine is a no go, and I am suppose to stay away from pain killers as much as I can.
The nurse said I might be ready for a trigger on Monday, which would make my retrieval on Wednesday morning. Monday morning I have more BW and US, that will tell me our next course of action.

On the docket for tonight

Some Ganarelix and of course my Follistim! Both injected subcutaneously into my abdomen by yours truly! I'm starting to feel more like a pin cushion, and my poor belly is bruising up.


So lets back up a tad, on Tuesday I went in for bw and an u/s. As we can see to the left, while 2 is better than 3 pokes, its still one to many! I had 4ish small follicles all measuring about 9-10mm (we need to get to 19-20ish mm).













Bill and I went to the Museum of Science in Boston to see the Pixar exhibit, so that was fun. And of course the 1 minute I was in a tunnel is when the Dr called. BOO. So more bw today, but no u/s, only one hand poke today! I said 'lets just cut to the chase, stab my hand' so she did. We have to watch my LH hormone to be sure it doesn't make me "lay my eggs" too early. Because it was at a 5.4 today they decided to have me introduce the Ganarelix. This will allow the Follistim to do its job but hold back the LH (oooOOooo science-y).
I head back in Friday for an u/s and more bw. Hopefully I have MY u/s tech that I love, and I can snap a few pics of my large ovaries starting to fill up!

It's like Christmas, for infertiles

 This will be quite the picture heavy post! I like pictures! I'm sure you do too

Look what came today!!!!!

WOOOOOOO!!!! A BOX OF NEEDLES!!

So here are my meds, the boxes on the left are patches and suppositories, all the boxes on the right are injections :( womp. (And bananas, because they are the only thing Colin eats, every time)

First is follistim - this is the "fresh" med that had me in a panic the other day about prior approval. This med wil make my ovaries hyper stimulate, it will make me make lots and lots of eggs as opposed to a natural womans cycle which is usually one or two eggs. This is a vile that I insert into a "pen", draw up the meds and use a new needle cap every day.



This is Ganarelix, it's "nice" because the syringes are already filled!

This med makes sure that my body doesn't release LH. If that hormone is released then I will ovulate too soon, this holds off that hormone until we tell it to do its job.

Menopur is another stimulation medication, however this med helps to make eggs a better quality and also make more of the follicles mature. you draw up the med using a "q cap" then switch the end of the syringe to a needle. This med is my least favorite. It burns going in and gives some resistance when injecting. blek.
(If youre following, thats 3 injections a night so far...)

This here is Novarel and Lupron - one of these will be my trigger shot, the shot I will use that makes my body release eggs at a certain time. This is all very timed out. I take it 36 hours before my retrieval, and I need to be in the OR ready to go exactly at that time, or we could lose all the eggs. Talk about stressfullness!

Last we have Crinone and Estadiol. This comes after the retrieval. progesterone and estrogen help the pregnancy to "stick" and keeps all my hormone levels in check.

Now wasn't that fun!?!

Its so weird to be excited to give yourself a shot. I just want to get a move on!

Thanks for reading! xoxo

Suppression check

This morning I went in for my suppression check. That consists of blood work and an internal ultrasound to determine that my hormones and egg production has been at a stand still due to the introduction of birth control.

So blood work, it needs to be drawn by 7:45am in order to be picked up by the courier. The lab opens at 7, so I figured I would get there around 7:10/7:15 to let all the people who have to get to work have a turn first. I arrived and 15 FIFTEEEEEEN people were ahead of me. So I was a tad nervous about that, the phlebotomist said that he would make the courier wait for everyone to have their draw completed tho. So that was nice. What wasn't nice were the THREE tries it took to hit a vein. I might need to be "that" patient and request the phlebotomist that hits my difficult veins on the first time every time. I just feel like a jerk. But I cant do 3 tries every day ouch.

After that "shit show" I headed down to ultrasound to check on my little ovaries. We started internally, but that wasn't working, so we went abdominal. All the medical things today. sheesh.





The dr called and said we had the hormonal go ahead to stop the bcps and start stims on friday, the 10th.
Then I got a call after 5 today from the fertility pharmacy, they said that my insurance is requesting prior authorization for my gonal f (the stimulating hormone) I am suppose to start it on the 10th if I don't have Auth by the 9th I will have to pay OOP.... $1500 for 1 pen. I need at least 5.

I can buy one at a time and if I get authorization then I can be reimbursed. But I'm sorta freaking out about them approving it. We never had this hoop to jump through before...I suppose I'll be doing some harassing tomorrow!



And last but not least --- my kid at the beach! Just cuz he's cute.

Moving right along.

That beotch AF came around ON MY BIRTHDAY. fresh. But hey silver lining,  started the process of making a baby on my birthday? Started my birth control. Still weird that I have to take BCPs to have a baby, but such is the process.
Appointment updates  - monday physical fingers, toes etc crossed that my weigh in goes ok. Then wednesday I have a Hysteroscopy in Lexington. After I get that done they will put in to the insurance to order meds and start a cycle. I have to call them on the 30th to see if it has been approved. Then hopefully I would have a suppression check on July 6th and start stimming meds that night. Then about 10 days of those meds and I am ready for and egg retrieval (ER) followed by a 3 day transfer(3dt) (3 days after ER).

So here we go!! Now just to survive the last week of school!!!!

The waiting game (one of many)

Kind of a random post

One day 7 of Provera, IVF nurse said AF (infertility lingo for period) should be here around day 5...WTF body, the ONE time I actually want that bitch to show she's no where to be found? Nonsense.
As soon as I get it, I need to do 7am CD3 BW, so if I get AF on wednesday or thursday then I will need to travel to Lexington to have blood drawn. Saturday is my birthday, that's not really where I wanted to spend my whole morning, but such is the life of an infertile! And sometime after that I will have my HSC Oh all while winding down the end of the school year, moving my classroom, and changing grades. WOO!

In other news, I have lost 13.6lbs so far, I would love to lose another 5 before my physical on the 22nd. That way I get to hear less from that jerkface RE.

OH this is important!
I saw my OBGYN (who invented PAPs anyways??? blek.) He is the one who we were seeing with Josh & Zoe (he came to the hospital on his day off after I delivered to make sure I was "ok"). I love him, the office staff and the general feel of the practice. I know they actually care about me. He said "we will see you in a few months when you're pg!!" And I said wait wait wait no I have to go into Boston for my MFM. So we got to chatting....They are 15-20 min from my school and 15 min from my house. They are directly across from my delivering hospital, which has a stage 3 NICU.
OB said that I could tell him what I needed as far as ultrasounds and appointments were concerned and we would do exactly the same protocol as with Colin, which is an ultrasound to check cervical length ever other week from week 14-26. He said I dictate my care, what I say goes ( I mean clearly within reason). Also, this will make my delivery so much easier. Last time we were in Boston for 5 days, then Colin was in the NICU for 8. 
Traveling back and forth was so terrible and I felt like we didnt spend as much time as we could have there with him. (usually 14-16 hours, still didnt feel like enough). Everything will be harder with Colin at home, making all those trips aren't easy anymore, its not just Bill and I. On the other hand my MFM specializes in TAC pregnancies but is 2 hours away and appointments take at least 2 hours (at best). I feel very bad, like I'm saying I dont care as much about #2's care, but really I'm trying to reduce my own stress for the pregnancy and I have more knowledge now on how things "should" go. I also know that if problems start to arise, then I can always go back to Boston to see my MFM. This was a super hard decision for us to make, and as usual it can change at any moment.

So for now....we wait.

48 hour report!

Just got the call, we have 4 four celled embryos, 4 three celled embryos and 1 two celled embryo. By this time they should be 2-4 cells, extra good if they are more. I'll take those numbers tho! WAY better than last time!!

So tomorrow I have grad school, but also a tentative ET scheduled for 11:20. They will call me in the morning, if they are still growing (fx they are) then we will push it out until monday for a 5dt (dt=day transfer). If they notice them not keeping up as well, we will go in for the 3dt. I've talked to my professor, luckily he was super understanding. So we shall see!!

Now all I have to do is write a 3 page paper for tomorrow...hmmmm

ER and Fert report!

Well I had my ER Wednesday morning, it only took them 2 tried to get the IV in so that made me happy. Turns out they retrieved 11 eggs!! I was so so happy. But I am still in a lot of pain from the ER, its not bad enough to be considered full blow OHSS but it sure isn't comfortable. It feels like the combination between doing 10000 pushups and horrible gas pains at the top of your stomach. No fun.

The next day we got a phone call for the fert report. 9 out of the 11 eggs fertilized!! I am ecstatic. Now we wait to hear if we will have a transfer on Saturday or Monday. Monday would be best b/c that means they are growing like champs. Bill keeps asking if I got the "score card" yet. ohhhh Bill.

Of course, we'll keep ya posted!!

We have lift-off!

Suppression check came back great! I will be starting on my stims (gonal-f) on thursday (225iu).

I will do this dosage until Monday when I will go back for BW and internal US. Then I might add in cetrotide with the gonal-f. While the gonal-f gives me hormones to stimulate excessive egg growth, the cetrotide is there to inhibit them from going too much. Hopefully I won't have to do it for very long this time!!

All my meds came in today! Here they are:

We have 2 boxes of crinone (progesterone suppositories) 3 boxes of gonal-f (muti-dose syringes) a sharps container, 4 boxes of cetrotide (powder and diluent that must be mixed and injected subq), Pregnyl and Novarel either will be trigger injection, estrace, syringes, mixing needles, and alcohol swabs. yowzahs! We are so unbelievably lucky, this whole kit and kaboodle only cost us $130. I thank the Lord every day that we have such fantastic insurance (tho a hassle most times).

So I'll let you know how things go! Right back on the wagon for me....first time I have ever been counting down the days in excitement to give myself a shot. IF does weird things to you.

IVF #1

I said I would talk about our fist IVF cycle. So I will, then I will start using this like a regular blog.

So right after Bill's surgery it just so happened that I was in such a place in my cycle that we could start with our first cycle that Friday! GASP. I was given the job of loosing 36lbs. I lost 18 and they said that would be enough. So on we went.
My insurance requires that we get specific authorization for each medication so I received my meds in two packages. 

This is my first package of meds I received. 80bajillion syringes, lupron, alcohol swabs, estrace, and a sharps container. I started using Lupron for suppression of my hormones. I took this picture while I actually said out loud "wow, never thought this was how I would be making a baby..."

Bill gave me my first shot in my belly. I cried and cried and cried. He did SO well, I didn't even feel it. Every day I had to find someone to give me my shot, I sat in a bathroom in a Chinese restaurant for about 10 min willing myself to poke my belly, I couldn't do it, my summer boss had to do it for me (luckily I have known her for 10 years, so no biggie) Finally one day I just decided I had to do it myself. I grabbed my belly and squeezed hard while I gently put the needle in my belly. I didn't feel a thing!! I could do it myself!!! I went in for a suppression check where they determined it was time to start stimming. In comes second package of meds.

 

3 boxes of gonal F (including needle caps) 

1 bottle ovidrel 

a dose of hCG

Crinone (progesterone vag. sups -ew.)

and some massive intramuscular mixing syringes, with subq needle attachments.

Man was I SO happy I didn't have to use those! I started with gonalF injections and dropped my lupron injections down to 5IU (yes two a night)

 

I went in to the hospital every 2-3 days for a trans-vaginal (oh yeah, its as awesome as it sounds....I call it the dildo cam, don't judge!) as well as blood work. I don't have normal veins so that meant a pedi needle in my hand every 2 days. awesome. Sometimes it went ok, sometimes it ended like this:  

 

Ouch!

Finally my ovaries started to cooperate, cooperating ovaries look somewhat like this:

Though those little follicles look nice and plump, they aren't large enough! I stimmed for 15 days. UGH.

This is your belly after 15 days of stims 

FINALLY it was time for ER. Bill came with me, everything went well except it took them 30 minutes and 4 tries to get the the IV in my arm, they gave me Valium and just let me sob a tiny bit. When all was said and done they retrieved 5 eggs. I said to the surgeon "Oh man, that sucks". because after all that drama I only got 5 eggs out of the deal, not ok. Oh btw, they get the eggs by sticking needles up my whoohaa and poking them through my fallopian tubes and into my ovaries, they drain each follicle and look under a microscope for the eggs. 

The embryologist fertilized the eggs by thawing one of the vials and doing ICSI- Inter cytoplasmic sperm injection. They take one single sperm and insert it into an egg. The next day we got a phone call with our "fert report" Only 2 of the 5 eggs fertilized. I was sad, but we has to remain optimistic. The next day they called us to come in for a 2dt (2 day transfer) our embryos were not doing very well, their only chance of survival would be in their "natural habitat". Bill couldn't come with me, so my mom did. We joked that my mom would be watching her grandchildren be conceived. (If you don't laugh, you'll cry).

Our two embryos were a 2DP and 4CF, in real people terms: #=number of cells, on a 2dt they should be between 2 and 4 cells, 2 cells is the lowest # for it to be considered a living embryo. The first number is the grade of fragmentation (space between cell divisions) grade A-D, so we had a D and a C. The last number is the symmetry in the cells graded Good, Fair, Poor, so we had a Poor and a Fair. Here they are, my babies

  (needed the sparkle nail for focusing purposes, but they are cute!)

Then we waited. 3 days before my beta (blood pregnancy test) I started spotting and cramping. I knew it was the end, the amazing nurse moved my blood test up one day so I could have it done with, I cried so hard that night, my babies were gone, and I knew it. I couldn't do anything to help them. And selfishly I was so upset that I would have to go through this all over again. I had worked so hard on a "project" for 3 months, then it was lost. like when your computer crashes in the middle of your thesis and you didn't save it, except with a baby. When the nurse called me and told me the inevitable it was almost calming, I had closure and I was ready to move on to the next try.

My RE is going to chance everything about my meds next time. I will begin on BCPs for suppression July 8th and stims on July 27/28th, tentative egg retrieval Aug 6th (which is cute b/c its our 7 year anniversary!) 

That's all about IVF 1. Now this will be a regular non rambling blog! 

So shall we start at the beginning?

When we started trying to have a baby we knew I didn't ovulate, I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). It has a whole bunch of awesome side effects, one of them being anovulation. My amazing OB started me on Clomid. An awesome drug that made me throw dishes, cry, yell at Bill and have hot flashes. Bill calls it either "the clomid crazies" or "clomidia". As soon as I went off of my birth control, I started temping and charting. I had 90+ day cycles which ended in meds. Hence the need for the Clomid. This is my second cycle on clomid, what a chart should look like. Except mine kept ending in my period. 

 My OBGYN decided we needed to do some further testing, with the data that we had we knew there was more to this "problem". I had an HSG (hysterosalpingogram)  done. Basically a catheter with a balloon on the end is inserted into your cervix, it is then blown up to "block the hole" and dye in inserted into your uterus while xrays are being taken. They are looking for the dye to pass through your tubes. Basically it feels like a large man is standing on your uterus for about a minute. Fantastic. Along with the HSG we decided Bill needed to have a Semen Analysis (SA).
I received the call from my nurse at the OB's office in December. I can remember that moment like it was yesterday, standing outside in the cold listening to her say "sperm count is zero". Devastation. No other word for it. I couldn't even cry, my students had arrived. I looked at their little faces as I sang the circle time songs and just kept thinking "I will never get to have one of "these" with my husband" "I will never hear circle time songs from my kids, or sing to them". The only thing I have dreamed of since I was a little girl, ripped from me and it wasn't fair.
I went into "fix it" mode that day I called a local urologist who gave us the name of the top Male factor infertility (MFI) urologist in the NE area, Dr. Oates. We got an appointment with him in January, followed by an appointment with the Reproductive Science Center of New England (RSC). Dr. Oates did another SA, still zero, no obstructions. Genetic testing was done (we waited 7 weeks for the results) - nothing was found. We weren't sure if this was good news or bad news....it felt like no news. Our next step Testicular Sperm Extraction (TESE). A very invasive procedure Bill had to go through. After a long battle with the insurance we got it approved.

Here is Bill in his handsome surgery attire!

Bill went in for surgery and 30 min later Dr.Oates walked out into the lobby with this:

It was now my job to drive the sample from Boston Medical Center, to RSC in Lexington.  Most. Stressful. Drive. Ever. My mom came with me while Bill's mom stayed with him in recovery. I am so thankful to our families for being unbelievably supportive through all of this.
Bill and I went home and Bill got settled in bed with some good pain killers. and we waited. We thought our call from the Dr. to tell us whether or not sperm was found would come around 3ish. We arrive home around 11 we got our call at 12. SPERM WAS FOUND, 5 WHOLE VILES!! it was the best news we had heard in a very very long time. We just held each other and cried, we were going to get to have OUR baby. Something so many take for granted.

We then found out I was in such a place in my cycle to being with IVF right away. We were so happy to get things moving! I will update tomorrow on our IVF process, since I feel like this is plenty long enough!

-Nicole